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Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Dealing with a soon to be ex-spouse
This video is from a great webpage- Victory Over Divorce. If you are seeking information, resources or support, check it out.
This clip will help you learn how to better handle interactions with your soon to be ex-spouse.
This clip will help you learn how to better handle interactions with your soon to be ex-spouse.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Dealing with Rejection
Feeling rejected? It can really hurt.. Some simple tips to deal with the emotions. An interview on ABC 33/40.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Cheating, Cheating, Cheating
Had a great time with Kevyn and Nicole on Talk of Alabama this morning.. Check out the discussion about infidelity
Friday, February 19, 2010
What to do if they cheat....
We watch it happen on television, we hear about it on the radio, and we read about it in newspapers, magazines and on the internet. Infidelity. From celebrities to politicians to our friends and neighbors. It is very common and can be devastating. But your relationship can survive and affair.
How Common Is Infidelity?
The University of Chicago’s national opinion research center. Found that about 15% of women surveyed in 2002 reported they had had sex with someone besides their spouse while married, and 22% of men had. Roughly 2% of women and 4% of men had done so in the past year. These estimates are likely low given the nature of what people were being asked to report.
Why Does It Happen?
Affairs happen for many, many reasons- however they can be grouped into three broad categories.
1. Issues that push people into affairs – so things like problems with the relationship, loneliness, personal insecurities, desire for attention, desire to end the marriage, sexual addictions.
2. Issues that pull people into affairs: increased self-esteem, excitement, feelings of love and romance.
3. Larger societal issues- things like our inability to deal with conflict, or inability to discuss sexual issues honestly, our misperceptions about love versus lust versus marriage.
What Can You Do?
There is no one “right” way to approach the recovery of an affair. However, there are some general guidelines that are very effective. Below is a list a of recommendations provided by the mayo clinic (www.mayoclinic.com):
1. End the affair. First, the affair must end. This includes any and all interaction and communication with the lover. True reinvestment in your marriage can't happen without this.
2. Be accountable. If you've had an affair, take responsibility for your actions. If you were cheated on, consider the role you may have played in your spouse's unhappiness and reasons for straying.
3. Determine your shared goal. Be sure you both agree that you want to mend your marriage. It may take some time to sort out what's happened and to see if your relationship can heal. If you both arrive at the goal of reconciliation, it's important to realize that recovering the marriage will take time, energy and commitment.
4. See a marriage counselor. Find a marriage counselor who will help you restore your marriage if that is the mutual goal. Seek help from a counselor who’s trained in marital therapy and experienced in dealing with infidelity. Avoid therapists who see an affair as the end of marriage.
5. Identify the issues. Infidelity often points to underlying problems in your marriage. Examine your relationship to understand what has contributed to the affair, and what you need to do to prevent it from happening again.
6. Restore the trust. Make a serious commitment to rebuilding your marriage. Go to counseling together to help visibly confirm the commitment and to prevent secrecy from continuing to erode your relationship.
7. Talk about it. Once the initial shock is over, discuss what happened openly and honestly — no matter how difficult talking or hearing about this may be. Know that you might need the help of a marital therapist to be able to talk constructively about it.
8. Give it time. If you were the one cheated on, you can set the timetable for recovery. Often the person who's been unfaithful is anxious to "put all of this behind us" to help cope with his or her guilt. Allow each other enough time to understand and heal.
9. Forgive. For many people, this is the hardest part of recovering from an affair. Forgiveness isn't likely to come quickly or easily — it may be a lifelong process. But if you're committed to your partner and your marriage, forgiveness tends to become easier over time.
10. Recommit to your future. What you're going through is emotionally devastating. But times like this often make people and marriages stronger than ever before.
Resources
www.marriagebuilders.com
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/why-we-cheat
Http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/infidelity/mh00110
http://www.infidelityhelp.com
How Common Is Infidelity?
The University of Chicago’s national opinion research center. Found that about 15% of women surveyed in 2002 reported they had had sex with someone besides their spouse while married, and 22% of men had. Roughly 2% of women and 4% of men had done so in the past year. These estimates are likely low given the nature of what people were being asked to report.
Why Does It Happen?
Affairs happen for many, many reasons- however they can be grouped into three broad categories.
1. Issues that push people into affairs – so things like problems with the relationship, loneliness, personal insecurities, desire for attention, desire to end the marriage, sexual addictions.
2. Issues that pull people into affairs: increased self-esteem, excitement, feelings of love and romance.
3. Larger societal issues- things like our inability to deal with conflict, or inability to discuss sexual issues honestly, our misperceptions about love versus lust versus marriage.
What Can You Do?
There is no one “right” way to approach the recovery of an affair. However, there are some general guidelines that are very effective. Below is a list a of recommendations provided by the mayo clinic (www.mayoclinic.com):
1. End the affair. First, the affair must end. This includes any and all interaction and communication with the lover. True reinvestment in your marriage can't happen without this.
2. Be accountable. If you've had an affair, take responsibility for your actions. If you were cheated on, consider the role you may have played in your spouse's unhappiness and reasons for straying.
3. Determine your shared goal. Be sure you both agree that you want to mend your marriage. It may take some time to sort out what's happened and to see if your relationship can heal. If you both arrive at the goal of reconciliation, it's important to realize that recovering the marriage will take time, energy and commitment.
4. See a marriage counselor. Find a marriage counselor who will help you restore your marriage if that is the mutual goal. Seek help from a counselor who’s trained in marital therapy and experienced in dealing with infidelity. Avoid therapists who see an affair as the end of marriage.
5. Identify the issues. Infidelity often points to underlying problems in your marriage. Examine your relationship to understand what has contributed to the affair, and what you need to do to prevent it from happening again.
6. Restore the trust. Make a serious commitment to rebuilding your marriage. Go to counseling together to help visibly confirm the commitment and to prevent secrecy from continuing to erode your relationship.
7. Talk about it. Once the initial shock is over, discuss what happened openly and honestly — no matter how difficult talking or hearing about this may be. Know that you might need the help of a marital therapist to be able to talk constructively about it.
8. Give it time. If you were the one cheated on, you can set the timetable for recovery. Often the person who's been unfaithful is anxious to "put all of this behind us" to help cope with his or her guilt. Allow each other enough time to understand and heal.
9. Forgive. For many people, this is the hardest part of recovering from an affair. Forgiveness isn't likely to come quickly or easily — it may be a lifelong process. But if you're committed to your partner and your marriage, forgiveness tends to become easier over time.
10. Recommit to your future. What you're going through is emotionally devastating. But times like this often make people and marriages stronger than ever before.
Resources
www.marriagebuilders.com
http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/why-we-cheat
Http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/infidelity/mh00110
http://www.infidelityhelp.com
Friday, September 25, 2009
Be my friend....
Having a network of friends who we can count on is comforting, and it may actually help make us healthier. There are numerous physical and emotional health benefits of a strong social support network.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Strengthening Your Relationships
In the wake of the economic crisis, we are hearing time and again how support and unity will help all of us weather this storm. We know family and friends are important- and they seem even more important during crises and emergencies. Having a network of friends who we can count on is comforting, and it may actually help make us healthier.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Dear Dr. Josh...
About once every month I answer questions from the ABC 33/40 newsroom... Still think many viewers don't believe that I actually answer all the email questions.... I do. Great questions this month.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Video of the Week: Stop Nagging!
You're trying to live healthy and he won't get his butt off the couch... You're trying to eat fruits and vegetables and he's shoving down ice cream... What can you do?
Monday's Tip: The SMART Way to Make Decisions
Where should we go for dinner? Who’s going to pick up the kids? How should we invest our savings? Should we allow our daughter to go out on a date? Should we get a divorce?
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Power Struggles, Who Wears The Pants? A "Meet The Peetes" Recap
Holly was out sick so I was on with Rodney Peete. Lots of callers for this show. Think the take home message is that when it comes to a happy relationship stop trying to give or take the pants- just jump into the pants with your partner and wear the pants together. Click here to listen to the show...
Monday, October 27, 2008
Oprah and Friends This Wednesday...
I'm on with Rodney and Holly Peete this coming Wednesday (October 29th) at 12CST... The topic is "Pants" - who is in charge in a relationship? Can both people have equal roles or is it better for one person to be the relationship CEO? If you have XM radio the show is "Meet The Peetes"on XM 156. Also, be sure and check out Oprah.com on Wednesday for my tips on how couples can make decisions without killing each other....
Friday, October 17, 2008
Monday's Tip- Isn't It Time You Said "No"....
Why do we say yes to things we don’t want to do? Why do we say yes to things we believe are not fair? Why do we say yes to so many responsibilities and requests that we feel resentment, frustration, exhaustion? Why do we say yes when we mean no?
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