"Dear Dr. Josh....."

Some great questions that impact so many people... Thanks for sharing and keep them coming!!



DEAR DR. JOSH,

HOW DO YOU LET YOUR TEEN AGERS EXPRESS THEIR OWN INDIVIDUALITY EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T AGREE WITH THEIR SENSE OF STYLE? LIKE IN PIERCINGS, TATTOOS... OR MAKEUP? AND DR. JOSH THIS TEEN IS 18-YEARS OLD, WORKING AND STILL LIVING AT HOME WITH HER MOTHER.



Pick your battles – at 18 you have very little influence. However money is the key negotiator. If she lives under your roof and does not pay rent then what you say goes…

If she chooses to live alone and support herself then at 18 you really can’t do much. But your rules in the house still need to count. Key is to stick to your words. If you threaten and don’t follow through then your words mean nothing. Its old fashioned advice but it works.



DEAR DR. JOSH,  

MY HUSBAND AND I ARE GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE. MY 3 YEAR OLD'S TEACHER RECENTLY TOLD ME THAT SHE'S BEEN ACTING UP IN CLASS. THIS IS UNUSUAL FOR HER. COULD IT BE BECAUSE OF THE DIVORCE OR IS SHE TOO YOUNG TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON?

Absolutely because of the divorce—they may not understand your words but they understand your mood. If your husband has moved out then there are likely to be attachment issues going on. Bottom line – dad is gone- much like the divorce has turned your life upside down- it has turned hers upside down too. What can you do?

1.      You and your ex can disagree about everything BUT you must be on the same page about her. She needs to feel safe and secure from both of you. The less she sees how you  really feel about him the better

2.      It will take time for her to adapt

3.      Stay consistent with discipline and love and she will come around

DEAR DR. JOSH,

OUR DAUGHTER IS A "TWEEN"... ANY ADVICE ON HOW TO MAKE THAT TRANSITION SMOOTHER FOR US AS PARENTS?

 By definition being a “tween” means testing the limits- the formula is simple:

1.        Be consistent in your rules and regulations

2.        Love her to death but as a parent not a friend

3.      Know  that sometimes no matter what you say or do she will be upset and defiant

4.      Assure her that home is a place of safety- to say anything

5.      Realize  that your understanding of the world may be different from hers

6.      Realize that she may look grown up and even act grown up but she simply isn’t…